I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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