my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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