One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize