see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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