This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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