Got a toothbrush?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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