My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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