I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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