he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
