also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
