i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
