I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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