i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
