Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
