So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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