Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
