someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
