I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
