Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone

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(317): View more from Indiana

Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.

(1-317): View more from Indiana

Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai

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(613): View more from Ontario

had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.

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(516): View more from New York

I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.

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(602): View more from Arizona

just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober

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(573): View more from Missouri

We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.

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(812): View more from Indiana

That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.

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