she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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