I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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