I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
