I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
