If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
