Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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