Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
