My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
