Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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