Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
