Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
