Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
