my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
