Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
whose parrot is this?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
