cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize