32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
