The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
