last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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