I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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