Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
