I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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