Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize