Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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