The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize