i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
