I can feel you judging me through the phone.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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