if i can run in heels then i can drive
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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