I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
