i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have post one night stand depression
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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