I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
