My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
