Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
