if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
