why didn't you poke me back
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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