bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
