Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
