dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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