he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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