remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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