I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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