I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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