I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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