I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Life is so much better after having sex.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
