We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
