He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
