great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
