Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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