chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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