I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
