mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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