I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
