The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Slut skills are useful in every country.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
