she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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