From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
