he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
