he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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