We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
