Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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