She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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