..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
