It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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