What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
