Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
whose parrot is this?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
