her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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