put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Randomize
