I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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