when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
