I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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