you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
