I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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