Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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