this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
