The maid of honor just puked.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
