he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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