Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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