Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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