Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
