Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
